The Funny Moments
by GluttonWithAnorexicTurnout
Summary: These are a series of hillarious one-shots. .. there's no continuity between the cahpters. .. just a bunch of funny moments..


Bella looked like Edward had just used her as tar and run her over with a steam roller . Edward winced .

Suddenly a surge of guilt washed over me . This is not what I should be doing . I'm making this harder . I should be more considerate .

Not for Sir Fangs-A-Lot and his leeches from the round table . But for my Bella who was clearly brainwashed by Malibu barbie into carrying and nurturing this thing that was sucking life out of her .

Bella suddenly said , " Hey Jacob , tell me a joke . I haven't laughed in eons ." Edward winced again .

This was my chance to prove to Bella that it was beneficial to stay with me , I could take her pain away while Edward could only present her with more . Edward looked at me warily and whispered , " You're right ." But it was too soft for Bella to hear .

I smiled at her and said , " Why did the blonde go to the movies with seventeen other friends ?"

Bella looked confused and I said , " Because the movie was rated R and the guy who sold the tickets said - under eighteen , not allowed . "

Bella laughed softly and Edward was clearly fighting the urge to smile.

Then , barbiecakes shot me a glare and was about to say something when Bella said, ' Tell me another one ."

" All right , " I began , " Once a blond went into an appliance store and asked the salesman , ' **What is that shiny object** ? ' . To which he replied , ' **Its a thermos flask** ' . She then asked , ' **So what does it do ?** ' . He then said realizing she was **dumb as a lamppost** , ' **It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold**.' She was so amused that she bought one and went home . The next day , she went to work with one . Her boss , who was also blonde asked her what she was carrying . She said , ' **Its a thermos flask**.' . Her boss then asked , '** So what does it do ?**' . To which she replied , ' **It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold **.' The boss was clearly intrigued so she asked , '** So what have you got in it ?**' To which the blonde said '** Two cups of coffee and a coke **.' "

Bella was in splits , while Edward laughed long and hard . The blonde just emitted a growl and turned on VH1 .

I smiled , proudly and then the need to answer nature's call arose , so I said , " Hey , Edward , I need to use your bathroom . "

Bella was slowly drifting off to sleep by then . It was surprising how the noise did not affect her.

Edward looked stumped for a minute and said , " Umm.. .. Rose , can you please take Jacob to the restroom ?"

Frosted-flake gave me a disgusted look and said , " Why ? I'm not going to be conned into leaving Bella alone by such a lame excuse . Besides , there's a tree right there in the porch , what does he need a toilet for ?"

I resented that .

So I replied , " Well , for one , I'm not a dog and have my human needs and dignity . Which ofcourse you wont understand because , you're dead . And have been for the past million years , so **_Grandmother Frost_** , will you please light the way to the lavatory ? "

She clearly ignored my request and winced as 'I Kissed A Girl' by Katy Perry starting playing .

She said , " There's only one other song that I hate other than this one !"

" Lemme guess .. .. " I said, " **_You Are My Sunshine _**? "

She replied , " No . **_Who Let The Dogs Out . _**"

I must say , I was impressed by that comeback .

Edward said , " Oh , you're in for some more ."

Which I saw was true when Emmet ran out of a room and out the house screaming , " OVERFLOWING TOILET !!"

I stood up and said , " Well , now I know where to go ."

That's when blondie-locks commented , " Jacob's cup , runneth over . "

Edward chuckled at that and Bella was sound asleep .

I said , " Not bad for a blonde . I'm surprised you might actually have a brain ."

She got defensive and replied , " You're surprise is expected because considering that fact that you don't have one .. .. "

I replied , " Puh-lease , you can't even spell brain ! "

I was near the toilet door when she said , " B-R-I-A-N !"

Edward burst out laughing as I shut the toilet door behind me after I said , " That's **_brian_**. .. .not **_brain_** ."

Clearly this round's victor was me .

Score : Jacob - 9 , Rosalie - 4 .

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:D :D - how was that chpater ?? This is a series of humourous one-shots !! There's sure to be several more !! Review please !!


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